Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
