dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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