oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
