She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
