She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
don't judge my taste in strippers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
