oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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