i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
