I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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