Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
