yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
