I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
