Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
