It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
