Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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