I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
