I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
