I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
