haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
