you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
