Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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