There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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