Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
