u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh god it's open bar.
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