these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
