I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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