my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The air taste purple.
Randomize
