it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
