why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
