Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
