i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
