Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
