I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
