So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
