we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
