quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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