We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
