checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
