these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
