I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
