You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
