OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
