Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
