If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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