to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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