just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
