What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
