I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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