textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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