Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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