i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
