I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
