Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
