we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
